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| Beliefs - Bible Studies Being Friends |
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Life question: How can I be a godly friend?
Biblical truth: A right relationship between friends is based on a common
devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for each others best interest.
This study helps us appreciate the fact that a right relationship between friends
is based on a common devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for each other’
s best interest. This doesn’t mean that non-Christians cannot have true friends.
Non-believers can share a deep and meaningful friendship with one another and
with believers as well.
Hopefully you are a genuine friend to several people who are not Christians.
When Jesus lived on earth, He provided the model for us concerning friendships
with those outside the family of faith. He dealt with them with compassion, love
and truth.
We do need to note that non-Christians cannot know the depth and quality of a
friendship in which devotion to the Lord is a common bond.
Even so, this study provides biblical insights for all people to use in their
friendships with believers and non-believers alike. It is directed to believers, but
application of these principles with enhance any friendship.
What are some of the most important things the Bible has to say about
friendship? Lets find out.
#1 ALWAYS BE DEPENDABLE
Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
The Bible gives a lot about true friendship. Many references are in the wisdom
literature of Proverbs. The two verses at which we are looking tells us of a
quality that we must have to be a true friend - LOYALTY.
Look back at verse 17, “A friend loveth at all times”
This speaks of being a friend in bad times as well as good times
All times! A true friend loves in adversity as well as in prosperity.
Often it takes hard times to show which friends are genuinely loyal.
Look again at second part of verse 17, “A brother is born for adversity”
This gives importance of family relationships and how families are willing to love
other family member and support them regardless of what’s going on. This can
also be applied to People outside your immediate family.
The term brother or sister is often used to describe a person who is not related
by blood but with whom we share a close bond of friendship. Such people like
these are there when we need them.
LOOK ONE MORE TIME AT Verse 17 “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother
is born for adversity.”
Do you see the Lord Jesus in this verse?
There’s not an hour that He is not near us,
No, not one! No, not one!
No night so dark but His love can cheer us,
No, not one! No, not one!
—Johnson Oatman
We need true friends, fiends who will come in when others go out. These are
the kind of friends we need. How do we find them? Lets look at our next verse
which helps us find the answer to that question.
Proverbs 8:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a
friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Rather than focusing on finding a real friend, each of us needs to determine that
we will be a true friend. As we show our loyalty and dependability to others we
will reap what we sow. The term Brother is not restricted just to men, it applies
to both men and women. I think this clearly presents a contrast between fair-
weather friends and those who are loyal through thick and thin.
LOOK at last part of verse 24 “there is a friend who sticks closer than a
brother.”
All consideration of this great verse leads us at last to one place, to One
Person. He is the Friend of sinners. There comment ceases. Let the heart
wonder and worship.
Point #1 to have friends and to be a friend we must be Dependable, Loyal.
What else?
#2 SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE
Proverbs 17:5 Open rebuke is better than secret love.
“Open rebuke” It is better to have a true friend who loves you and will tell you
the truth about your faults. A true friend will love us enough to risk being
rejected in order to correct us and keep us from harming ourselves and others.
The truth is “better than secret love.“ The truth is sometimes not pleasing
because none of us like to rebuked, but sometimes criticism is necessary.
What does it produce?
Provers 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are
deceitful.
Most people do not want to be honest with you about your faults; they are afraid
you will turn against them. It is a true friend who is willing to risk your good will in
order to help you by constructive criticism. When someone who is a true friend
is trying to help, it produces a faithful wound. Do you love someone enough to
point out faults that need correcting, or do you keep quiet for fear of being
misunderstood?
Look at verse 6 again, “but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” If a friend has
a fault that is hurting him and maybe other brothers and sisters as well, and I
don’t try to help then I’m not really acting like a friend but an enemy.
JUDAS was a prime example of this. He was supposedly a follower of Jesus, yet
he betrayed Jesus. Judas gave a sign to the mob in advance to help them
distinguish Jesus from the disciples; the sign was a kiss. The universal symbol
of love was prostituted to its lowest use. As he approached the Lord, Matthew
tell us what Judas said.
Now he that betrayed him gave them a sign, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss,
that same is he: hold him fast. And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail,
master; and kissed him. And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou
come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus and took him. Matthew 26:48-
50.
Judas said, “Hail, Master!” then kissed Him. Two different words for kiss are
used (Matt. 26:48,49). The first, in verse 48, is the normal word for kiss. But in
verse 49, a stronger word is used, expressing repeated or affectionate kissing.
He appeared to be a friend but He was not.
PROVERB 27:9 Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness
of a man's friend by hearty counsel.
The pleasantness of ointment and perfume is compared to the fragrance of
loving advice from a friend. There is something truly heartwarming about
fellowship with a friend. Isn’t it great to have friends to share good counsel with?
PROVERS 27:10 Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not; neither
go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour
that is near than a brother far off.
Friendships must be cultivated to be kept alive. Often the oldest friends are the
best. So it’s IMPORTANT to keep in touch with your friends or old friends of the
family.
Also in verse 10 it says, “Neither go into your brother’s house in the time of
calamity” We have already seen the importance of Family, but a lot of times,
when trouble comes, you will get more help and sympathy from a faithful
neighbor than from a near relative who is estranged from you “for better is a
neighbour that is near than a brother far off.”
A real friend can be more help than a brother sometimes.
Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of
his friend.
It used to be common to see the host at a table sharpening the carving knife by
drawing each side of the cutting edge against a hardened steel rod with fine
ridges. Just as the action of iron against iron sharpens, so the interchange of
ideas among people makes them more acute in their thinking.
Sharing each other’s opinions gives a helpful breadth of view. Asking questions
sharpens wits. Friendly communication hones the personality. We can help each
other become a better person by sharing our thoughts regarding various
subjects if we speak the truth with each other.
S0, #1 we must be dependable and #2 we must speak the truth in love.
#3 HELP SETTLE DISPUTES
PHIL. 4:1-3 Therefore, my brethren dearly beloved and longed for, my joy and
crown, so stand fast in the Lord, my dearly beloved. I beseech Euodias, and
beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord. And I intreat thee
also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel,
with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the
book of life.
On the basis of the wonderful hope which the apostle had set before the minds
of the believers in the previous verse, he now exhorts them to stand fast in the
Lord. This verse is filled with endearing names for the believers. First of all,
Paul calls them his brethren. But not only his brethren—his beloved brethren.
Then he adds the thought that he longs for them, that is, he longs to be with
them again. Further, he speaks of them as his joy and crown. Doubtless he
means that they are his joy at the present time and will be his crown at the
Judgment Seat of Christ. Finally, he closes the verse with the expression
beloved. The apostle really loved people, and doubtless this is one of the
secrets of his effectiveness in the work of the Lord. All these terms show Paul
was a true genuine friend and he had true friends.
NOW, apparently Euodia and Syntyche were women in the church at Philippi
who were having difficulty getting along together. We are not given details as to
the cause of their disagreement (and perhaps it is just as well!). The apostle
uses the word “beseech or implore” twice to show that the exhortation is
addressed just as much to one as to the other. Paul urges them to be of the
same mind in the Lord. It is impossible for us to be united in all things in daily
life, but, as far as the things of the Lord are concerned, it is possible for us to
submerge our petty, personal differences in order that the Lord may be
magnified and His work advanced.
In verse 3, there is considerable speculation as to the identity of the true
companion (or yoke-fellow ) whom Paul addresses in this verse. Timothy and
Luke have both been suggested, but Epaphroditus is probably the person
spoken of. He is exhorted to help these women who had labored with Paul in the
gospel. We take it that these women were Euodia and Syntyche, and that the
Apostle Paul is giving what experience has proven to be sound advice. Often
when two people have been quarreling, the quarrel can best be settled by taking
it to an independent third party—someone with mature, spiritual judgment.
It is not that he acts arbitrarily in the case and hands down a decision, but rather
that by appealing to the word of God, he is able to show the contending persons
the scriptural solution to their problem.
#1 be Loyal #2 Speak truth in love #3 Help settle disputes
# 4 MEET NEEDS
Phil4:10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me
hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity.
Paul was in Prison at this time, so he needed true friend. Paul speaks of the
relationship which existed between the church at Philippi and himself in
connection with financial assistance. No one could ever tell how meaningful
these verses have been for saints of God who have been called upon to go
through times of financial pressure!
Paul rejoices that now at last, after a period of time had elapsed, the Philippians
had sent him practical assistance in the work of the Lord.
He does not blame them for the period of time in which no help was received; he
gives them credit that they wanted to send gifts to him but that they lacked
opportunity to do so.
Phil 4:14-16 Notwithstanding ye have well done, that ye did communicate with
my affliction. Now ye Philippians know also, that in the beginning of the gospel,
when I departed from Macedonia, no church communicated with me as
concerning giving and receiving, but ye only. For even in Thessalonica ye sent
once and again unto my necessity.
Paul wants the Philippians to know that they have done well in having shared in
his distress. This probably meant the money they sent to supply his needs
during his imprisonment. In the past, the Philippians had excelled in the grace of
giving. During the early days of Paul’s ministry, when he departed from
Macedonia, no church shared with him financially except the Philippians.
It is remarkable how these seemingly unimportant details are recorded forever in
God’s precious word. This teaches us that what is given to the Lord’s servants
is given to the Lord. He is interested in every cent. He records all that is done
as to Him, and He rewards with good measure, pressed down, shaken together,
and running over. Paul goes on that Even when he was in Thessalonica, they
sent aid once and again for his needs.
It is apparent that the Philippians were living so close to the Lord that He was
able to direct them in their giving. The Holy Spirit placed a burden on their
hearts for the Apostle Paul. They responded by sending money to him once and
again, that is, twice. When we remember that Paul was in Thessalonica only a
short time, it makes their care for him there all the more remarkable. They were
friends and friends help meet needs as God directs us and gives us opportunity,
as well as the ability
What tied them together? Paul had preached the Gospel and they became
believers, so they held a common devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for
each others best interests.
Does this accurately describe you as a friend?
LESSON WRAP-UP A friendship with another person can be one of the most
enriching relationships of life. From this study we have learned several
principals for improving friendships:
*Be the kind of friend who is dependable - loyal in all kinds of situations
*Care enough about a friend to speak the truth in love even if you must point out
a fault, a mistake, or a flaw to him or her.
*Be a peacemaker when friends have differences of opinion that divide them.
*Share you resources to meet friend’s needs.
John 15:14-16 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord
doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father
I have made known unto you. Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,
and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit
should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may
give it you.
Let God know how you feel about his loyalty to you.
-Roy Patterson
July 2004
Biblical truth: A right relationship between friends is based on a common
devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for each others best interest.
This study helps us appreciate the fact that a right relationship between friends
is based on a common devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for each other’
s best interest. This doesn’t mean that non-Christians cannot have true friends.
Non-believers can share a deep and meaningful friendship with one another and
with believers as well.
Hopefully you are a genuine friend to several people who are not Christians.
When Jesus lived on earth, He provided the model for us concerning friendships
with those outside the family of faith. He dealt with them with compassion, love
and truth.
We do need to note that non-Christians cannot know the depth and quality of a
friendship in which devotion to the Lord is a common bond.
Even so, this study provides biblical insights for all people to use in their
friendships with believers and non-believers alike. It is directed to believers, but
application of these principles with enhance any friendship.
What are some of the most important things the Bible has to say about
friendship? Lets find out.
#1 ALWAYS BE DEPENDABLE
Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
The Bible gives a lot about true friendship. Many references are in the wisdom
literature of Proverbs. The two verses at which we are looking tells us of a
quality that we must have to be a true friend - LOYALTY.
Look back at verse 17, “A friend loveth at all times”
This speaks of being a friend in bad times as well as good times
All times! A true friend loves in adversity as well as in prosperity.
Often it takes hard times to show which friends are genuinely loyal.
Look again at second part of verse 17, “A brother is born for adversity”
This gives importance of family relationships and how families are willing to love
other family member and support them regardless of what’s going on. This can
also be applied to People outside your immediate family.
The term brother or sister is often used to describe a person who is not related
by blood but with whom we share a close bond of friendship. Such people like
these are there when we need them.
LOOK ONE MORE TIME AT Verse 17 “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother
is born for adversity.”
Do you see the Lord Jesus in this verse?
There’s not an hour that He is not near us,
No, not one! No, not one!
No night so dark but His love can cheer us,
No, not one! No, not one!
—Johnson Oatman
We need true friends, fiends who will come in when others go out. These are
the kind of friends we need. How do we find them? Lets look at our next verse
which helps us find the answer to that question.
Proverbs 8:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a
friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Rather than focusing on finding a real friend, each of us needs to determine that
we will be a true friend. As we show our loyalty and dependability to others we
will reap what we sow. The term Brother is not restricted just to men, it applies
to both men and women. I think this clearly presents a contrast between fair-
weather friends and those who are loyal through thick and thin.
LOOK at last part of verse 24 “there is a friend who sticks closer than a
brother.”
All consideration of this great verse leads us at last to one place, to One
Person. He is the Friend of sinners. There comment ceases. Let the heart
wonder and worship.
Point #1 to have friends and to be a friend we must be Dependable, Loyal.
What else?
#2 SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE
Proverbs 17:5 Open rebuke is better than secret love.
“Open rebuke” It is better to have a true friend who loves you and will tell you
the truth about your faults. A true friend will love us enough to risk being
rejected in order to correct us and keep us from harming ourselves and others.
The truth is “better than secret love.“ The truth is sometimes not pleasing
because none of us like to rebuked, but sometimes criticism is necessary.
What does it produce?
Provers 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are
deceitful.
Most people do not want to be honest with you about your faults; they are afraid
you will turn against them. It is a true friend who is willing to risk your good will in
order to help you by constructive criticism. When someone who is a true friend
is trying to help, it produces a faithful wound. Do you love someone enough to
point out faults that need correcting, or do you keep quiet for fear of being
misunderstood?
Look at verse 6 again, “but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” If a friend has
a fault that is hurting him and maybe other brothers and sisters as well, and I
don’t try to help then I’m not really acting like a friend but an enemy.
JUDAS was a prime example of this. He was supposedly a follower of Jesus, yet
he betrayed Jesus. Judas gave a sign to the mob in advance to help them
distinguish Jesus from the disciples; the sign was a kiss. The universal symbol
of love was prostituted to its lowest use. As he approached the Lord, Matthew
tell us what Judas said.
Now he that betrayed him gave them a sign, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss,
that same is he: hold him fast. And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail,
master; and kissed him. And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou
come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus and took him. Matthew 26:48-
50.
Judas said, “Hail, Master!” then kissed Him. Two different words for kiss are
used (Matt. 26:48,49). The first, in verse 48, is the normal word for kiss. But in
verse 49, a stronger word is used, expressing repeated or affectionate kissing.
He appeared to be a friend but He was not.
PROVERB 27:9 Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness
of a man's friend by hearty counsel.
The pleasantness of ointment and perfume is compared to the fragrance of
loving advice from a friend. There is something truly heartwarming about
fellowship with a friend. Isn’t it great to have friends to share good counsel with?
PROVERS 27:10 Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not; neither
go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour
that is near than a brother far off.
Friendships must be cultivated to be kept alive. Often the oldest friends are the
best. So it’s IMPORTANT to keep in touch with your friends or old friends of the
family.
Also in verse 10 it says, “Neither go into your brother’s house in the time of
calamity” We have already seen the importance of Family, but a lot of times,
when trouble comes, you will get more help and sympathy from a faithful
neighbor than from a near relative who is estranged from you “for better is a
neighbour that is near than a brother far off.”
A real friend can be more help than a brother sometimes.
Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of
his friend.
It used to be common to see the host at a table sharpening the carving knife by
drawing each side of the cutting edge against a hardened steel rod with fine
ridges. Just as the action of iron against iron sharpens, so the interchange of
ideas among people makes them more acute in their thinking.
Sharing each other’s opinions gives a helpful breadth of view. Asking questions
sharpens wits. Friendly communication hones the personality. We can help each
other become a better person by sharing our thoughts regarding various
subjects if we speak the truth with each other.
S0, #1 we must be dependable and #2 we must speak the truth in love.
#3 HELP SETTLE DISPUTES
PHIL. 4:1-3 Therefore, my brethren dearly beloved and longed for, my joy and
crown, so stand fast in the Lord, my dearly beloved. I beseech Euodias, and
beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord. And I intreat thee
also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel,
with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the
book of life.
On the basis of the wonderful hope which the apostle had set before the minds
of the believers in the previous verse, he now exhorts them to stand fast in the
Lord. This verse is filled with endearing names for the believers. First of all,
Paul calls them his brethren. But not only his brethren—his beloved brethren.
Then he adds the thought that he longs for them, that is, he longs to be with
them again. Further, he speaks of them as his joy and crown. Doubtless he
means that they are his joy at the present time and will be his crown at the
Judgment Seat of Christ. Finally, he closes the verse with the expression
beloved. The apostle really loved people, and doubtless this is one of the
secrets of his effectiveness in the work of the Lord. All these terms show Paul
was a true genuine friend and he had true friends.
NOW, apparently Euodia and Syntyche were women in the church at Philippi
who were having difficulty getting along together. We are not given details as to
the cause of their disagreement (and perhaps it is just as well!). The apostle
uses the word “beseech or implore” twice to show that the exhortation is
addressed just as much to one as to the other. Paul urges them to be of the
same mind in the Lord. It is impossible for us to be united in all things in daily
life, but, as far as the things of the Lord are concerned, it is possible for us to
submerge our petty, personal differences in order that the Lord may be
magnified and His work advanced.
In verse 3, there is considerable speculation as to the identity of the true
companion (or yoke-fellow ) whom Paul addresses in this verse. Timothy and
Luke have both been suggested, but Epaphroditus is probably the person
spoken of. He is exhorted to help these women who had labored with Paul in the
gospel. We take it that these women were Euodia and Syntyche, and that the
Apostle Paul is giving what experience has proven to be sound advice. Often
when two people have been quarreling, the quarrel can best be settled by taking
it to an independent third party—someone with mature, spiritual judgment.
It is not that he acts arbitrarily in the case and hands down a decision, but rather
that by appealing to the word of God, he is able to show the contending persons
the scriptural solution to their problem.
#1 be Loyal #2 Speak truth in love #3 Help settle disputes
# 4 MEET NEEDS
Phil4:10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me
hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity.
Paul was in Prison at this time, so he needed true friend. Paul speaks of the
relationship which existed between the church at Philippi and himself in
connection with financial assistance. No one could ever tell how meaningful
these verses have been for saints of God who have been called upon to go
through times of financial pressure!
Paul rejoices that now at last, after a period of time had elapsed, the Philippians
had sent him practical assistance in the work of the Lord.
He does not blame them for the period of time in which no help was received; he
gives them credit that they wanted to send gifts to him but that they lacked
opportunity to do so.
Phil 4:14-16 Notwithstanding ye have well done, that ye did communicate with
my affliction. Now ye Philippians know also, that in the beginning of the gospel,
when I departed from Macedonia, no church communicated with me as
concerning giving and receiving, but ye only. For even in Thessalonica ye sent
once and again unto my necessity.
Paul wants the Philippians to know that they have done well in having shared in
his distress. This probably meant the money they sent to supply his needs
during his imprisonment. In the past, the Philippians had excelled in the grace of
giving. During the early days of Paul’s ministry, when he departed from
Macedonia, no church shared with him financially except the Philippians.
It is remarkable how these seemingly unimportant details are recorded forever in
God’s precious word. This teaches us that what is given to the Lord’s servants
is given to the Lord. He is interested in every cent. He records all that is done
as to Him, and He rewards with good measure, pressed down, shaken together,
and running over. Paul goes on that Even when he was in Thessalonica, they
sent aid once and again for his needs.
It is apparent that the Philippians were living so close to the Lord that He was
able to direct them in their giving. The Holy Spirit placed a burden on their
hearts for the Apostle Paul. They responded by sending money to him once and
again, that is, twice. When we remember that Paul was in Thessalonica only a
short time, it makes their care for him there all the more remarkable. They were
friends and friends help meet needs as God directs us and gives us opportunity,
as well as the ability
What tied them together? Paul had preached the Gospel and they became
believers, so they held a common devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for
each others best interests.
Does this accurately describe you as a friend?
LESSON WRAP-UP A friendship with another person can be one of the most
enriching relationships of life. From this study we have learned several
principals for improving friendships:
*Be the kind of friend who is dependable - loyal in all kinds of situations
*Care enough about a friend to speak the truth in love even if you must point out
a fault, a mistake, or a flaw to him or her.
*Be a peacemaker when friends have differences of opinion that divide them.
*Share you resources to meet friend’s needs.
John 15:14-16 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord
doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father
I have made known unto you. Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,
and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit
should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may
give it you.
Let God know how you feel about his loyalty to you.
-Roy Patterson
July 2004